Things I've Seen

Hey, 19

Meagan (left) and Susan turn 19.

Was 1989 really that long ago? I guess so, but it sure doesn't seem like it to me. Their dad and I are still back there sometimes, remembering

Two girl babies who, once they made up their minds, came awfully fast between 9 and 9:30 p.m. on the night the Pistons won the Eastern division title. (The TV was on in my room. What can I say?)

The first girl born (Meagan) "looks just like Drew did!" with a round face and dark, dark hair. The second one is born fingers first with an arm that remained above her head for a day or two.

Two babies sleeping in the same crib to keep their accustomed togetherness going for those first few weeks

A four-year old brother who was enthralled (still is) but who would rarely touch

Nights and nights of sleeplessness trying to keep two babies fed, dry and comfortable. Taking every action first for one, then the other: changing, feeding, rocking, cuddling. It didn't take long for Meg to always be in Dad's arms while Susan was in mine. A case where 'likes' attract, rather than opposites.

Two sleepy babies stuffed into snowsuits at 5 a.m. so dad could drop them off at Grandma's - 40 miles away - while he went to work.

Two active babies challenging each other as to who would sit, crawl, stand and walk first. Susan always won ( probably because she weighed slightly less), but Meg was never far behind.

Two little girls usually dressed in similar - but not matching - outfits. It would have been FAR easier to dress them exactly alike (and we did give in to the urge more than I like to admit. It's really hard to find things that are equal but not the same)

Two little girls always together: off to daycare, first day of school, gymnastics classes, softball, dance lessons, swim team, band (one clarinet, one flute), music camp, summer camp, choir, youth group

One little girl always asking permission (except when she cut her bangs, jagged and even with her scalp). The other little girl, well, you just had to move things out of the way so she wouldn't hurt herself.

Two little girls hugging their puppy (who is now heavy, lumpy, stiff and 11 years old)

Two adolescents, always each others' best friend

Two adolescents, fighting, screeching, hating each other above all else

Two cinderallas getting ready for their "balls": Homecoming, Spring Fling, Prom

Two young women trying out their wings: One off to college, one off to Australia. One now in a downtown house with three young men while she finishes school, one saving her money to move out and live by herself as she begins school

Two young women, very different, yet similarly blonde, petite, stylish. One in torn jeans, one as at home in dresses as jeans. One in love with makeup, one sporting two tattoos. One gaga over her first love, one holding back a bit after the death of her first love a year ago.

Two young women at the open window of womanhood where so much is beckoning, so much is worth exploring, so much is possible.

Hey, 19 - Happy Birthday!

Movin' Meg

Well, here goes #2. Out of the dorm and into a house. A big old house in Grand Rapids' Heritage Hill area. With three guys.



It doesn't seem all that long ago that we moved her into East Hall at Davenport University, where she stayed through freshman year.

Even though she lived and attended class in Caldedonia and worked out here on the north end of town, she somehow made quite a few friends who attend college downtown, specifically Kendall College of Art and Design of Ferris State University. All three of her new housemates are students at Kendall, and so is her boyfriend, who also lives in a house on the Hill (it's complicated and as a mother, I say it's probably better that way).

One of the guys had been living downtown and was looking for new people to share a house - something nicer than what I understand his old digs were. Meg "signed on" right away, then they rounded up two more and went house hunting. What they found is a beauty. Kitchen, foyer, living room, dining room, "library" downstairs, three bedrooms, laundry and a bath upstairs and a two-room bedroom in the attic. Hardwood floors. Bay windows. Window seats. Heat and water included. Very well maintained and well, beautiful.

She says she can afford it. She is working a lot of hours this summer as a server at O'Charley's and she already  has her schedule planned for school. She'll be taking the shuttle bus from DU's downtown campus out to Caledonia three days a week to save on gas. She and one of the boys are going to pool their money on groceries.

We're entirely supportive of her (although she was very nervous about telling her dad she was moving in with three young men). She got a taste of living away from home last year and she liked it. I'm impressed by her maturity and everything she did to make this move happen. She won't be home nearly so much this year as last, but what are you gonna do? I'm proud of my downtown kid. Best to you Meg!














Clay and Drew, packin' stuff

This old tree

  So this tree is probably a hundred years old or more - who really knows with trees? It is the messiest thing ever, and boy does it have its seasons.

Two weeks ago it had little pink petals pushing out with the leaves as they started their spring growth. We swept those off the patio just as grass-cutting season was beginning.

Right now it's in full bloom and, as happens every year, the week or so that the white flowers are in full is the windiest week of spring, so we get a constant "snowing" of tiny white petals all over the yard. It also has an overpowering sweet smell that engulfs the neighborhood.

Once the blooms are finished, the hard green cherries will appear, which hopefully will be very few in number again this year. The tree is old as I said and it has "on" years and "off" years, with the "off" years being more prevalent recently. Which is good - because once we get to late August the tiny black cherries are falling everywhere, staining the patio, the outdoor furniture, and more than one spot on the carpet indoors as kids track them in with their shoes.

It sheds sticks and branches all year 'round, especially during any kind of wind, rain or snow storm. Thankfully the leaves are comparatively small and make for pretty easy raking.

Like I said, it has it's seasons, with this being perhaps the one it shows off best.

 Beautiful, isn't it?

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For reasons I haven't yet discovered, Typepad has done something funky with how photos are displayed here. I'm not happy with it, but it you want to see a larger version of this photo, click on it.

Photos my kids send me

From Susan, as seen in the parking lot of O'Charley's the restaurant where she and Meagan work. The accompanying message said, "Look it's Harvey."

Paybacks are yum

I let Drew and Michele use my car while I was in Chicago for a couple of days. They don't have one and it can be difficult to get your friends to drag you around to where you need to be all the time.

They used the car time to get a few things done - they shopped for summer clothes, bought and hung curtains in the apartment, went out to dinner, got a manicure (well, Michele did anyhow), and just generally were "independent" for a little while.

So last night to return the favor, they came over with all the fixings to grill some fat ol' burgers on the grill - the first of summer. Mmmmm were they good.

They still have my car though. Hmmm. Maybe we'll get a taste of Michele's famous chicken Florentine later in the week?

Celebrate

Clay's birthday is April 1. And this year it was one of those "big ones." I made a reservation to spend last night at the new J.W. Marriott - just to do something a little special. We had dinner at Six-One-Six in the hotel.

So just as we were getting ready to leave home last night I got a text message from Drew and Michele: "We're lonely."

What could I do but invite them to dinner with us? Good times, great dinner: a bottle of wine signed by the winemaker, a sushi appetizer (I finally got my husband to try sushi!), baby spinach salad, scallops with a creamy risotto, the house specialty hand-rubbed steak cooked to perfection, after-dinner coffee. And the special birthday greeting above.

>>>

Our room was on the 16th floor of the hotel. I requested "river view," and it was a great view in spite of the cold, rain and clouds. Everything there is first rate (there are only 6 of these hotels in the world, afterall). Very fitting for a birthday - whether it's a "big one" or otherwise. (Click to see larger photos.)

The Van Andel Museum from the 16th floor of the hotel

Another view from our window

 

Room 1617 at the J.W. Marriott

 

Lighting overhead at Six-One-Six

 

Looking down into the lounge from the 3rd floor

 

Well, yeah, it's the restroom in the restaurant

 

Lily centerpiece

Did I mention I got a car?

Picking up my new car at the Meijer headquarters. I bought it sight-unseen after my friend's employee husband won the bid on two cars - he only wanted one.

You'd think I was 16 years old. But with all the car trouble we've had over the last 12 months (oh - and one more car - the "ugly van" - was lost since those three met their tragic fates), you can hardly fault me for being a little giddy at the prospect of having a car to myself that's reliable and isn't full of dings, dents and rust.

It's only a 2001 Chevy Malibu with 98,000 miles  - but it has brand new tires, no rust or body damage and it's CLEAN INSIDE! It was a fleet car for Meijer Stores, so I know it's been well-maintained. And honestly - it's the first car that's been "mine" since the '76 Dodge Aspen SE that I bought with the promise of my first teaching job out of college (which I loved, but way overpaid for). So like I said, you can hardly fault me ...

I need to blog

Can I get away with just posting a winter-scene photo again? Dave likes my photos, anyhow.

2-8-08. Finally finished this.

1-15-08 Hey, this isn't finished ... but I need to post it anyhow. Begun on 1-9.

Hard to believe this was just a week ago, even though this was in Kalamazoo, where I'm guessing close to a foot of snow fell while we were there over New Year's. Temperatures rose to 65 degrees here on Monday and the snow is completely gone.

The Holidays passed better than usual for me. Odd, too, because it was the first Christmas without Dad ... Mom stayed with us from Dec. 21 until after the New Year, although she did make the trip - Grandy in tow - to Monroe for a couple of days at the end of the week.

I think what made it better in some ways was that I had to rise to the occasion and try to be a better Christmas person - something I've not been so good at for several years now.

First of all, we had to figure out some way to get most of the family together for the holiday. Thanksgiving, in many minds, had not been ideal. Each sister (there are four of us) pretty much did her own thing: Nance had Mom over for dinner; we went to Monroe to see Margie and Mat and family (first time in all the years they've lived there!) and Loraine and family celebrated at home and in Muskegon with Jeff's family. My in-laws gathered with Clay's mom's family. In years past ALL these people have gathered together - close to 30 people in some years - and this, the first Thanksgiving after my Dad's passing, was not considered an ideal situation in most peoples' minds, although at the time we were planning things, this did not occur to most of us - or to me, anyway.

After nearly a month of mostly unsuccessful planning using a Google Group, it was decreed (by me, because I set up the group, which left me also guiding what little planning/conversation there was) that the clan would gather at our house for Christmas on the Saturday prior. So Mom arrived on the 21st to stay through the holidays, Meagan was released from school on the same day and came home with suitcases full of laundry, and we planned an as informal, inexpensive get-together as we could.

I just asked people to bring their favorite Christmas 'treat,' whether an hors d'ouevre, candy, cookie, or what have you. And everyone had to bring a $5 'fun gift' for a person of their same sex. We hosted about 20 people and had plenty to nosh on. Of course the highlight was the gift to Mom from Loraine and family of that darn cute little dog. And I think everyone thought the gift exchange - new for us - was fun. So even though Joe and Erin arrived very late (she had to work; they got lost) and Drew's girlfriend had to leave early (she got the showiest gift - a photo frame from Susan) and Margie and Mat weren't there (but they usually aren't), this felt like an adequate solution to the "what do we do for family Christmas now?) dilemma.

Then came Christmas eve - Mom hasn't been to church in years on that night, and last year, we didn't go either. But Meagan and I both wanted to sing in the reunion choir, where the college kids always come back to sing with the remnant adult choir.  We always sing "And the Glory of Lord" and "Halleluiah" from Handel's Messiah, and since I've been almost two years out of choir now, I really wanted to sing. So Clay, Mom, Susan and Amberly went to the service, while Meagan and I sat in the loft and sang. After the service we drove home looking at all the holiday lights, as has been a tradition since my own childhood and one we've carried out with our own family. It was pretty much all that Christmas eve is supposed to be.

Christmas Day was a little strange, but it was also best of all. I had asked Drew more than a week before how he wanted to handle the morning. This is his second Christmas living on his own, and last year I picked him up at his place early and brought him here for our usual gift opening and big, special breakfast of egg casserole and cheesy potatoes (his favorite). This year he an Michelle are together and I wanted him to be sure about his Christmas morning plans. Would she come over with him? Would she go to her own family? Would she stay at their place by herself? He told me he'd come over by himself. We said, OK.

Christmas morning when I called him, he said, "There's been a change of plans. I'm bringing Michelle with  me." All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind at once: first - how would the girls feel about an "intrusion" on their family Christmas morning? What would Mom think? Then, the really big consideration - in all the Christmas preparations, I had not once thought to buy a gift for Michelle (this is a brand new relationship). So shame on me. I paused only a few seconds and bought some time with, "will she feel comfortable?" trying to appeal his sense of the potential awkwardness of the situation (mostly with his sisters,  but I couldn't bring myself to say that). By not expressing this directly enough, I got nowhere, of course. "She won't feel weird," he insisted (Michelle is VERY outgoing). "I can't leave her here alone," he said. And of course he was right.

So I broke the news to the girls, who, as I'd guessed were not very amenable to having this relative stranger here in the midst  of our family traditions. "It's what Christmas is about," I reminded them and now I was sure of it myself. Michelle would be here with Drew and she'd be welcome, by god.

Then the mad scramble began. What to give her?  Clay suggested my last bottle of wine. Great idea! I knew Michelle liked it, because we served it at dinner when she was here after Thanksgiving and she raved over it. I rummaged through the gift wrap trappings in the basement and came up with a wine bag and tag: "To Michelle." Inspired, I thought, "What else?" "She's got to have a stocking. Give her mine," Mom offered, getting into the spirit.

So, wine, check. Stocking with candy cane and chocolate (most notably a big bar of noir 60% cacao - yum!). I was getting into this! What else can we give?

Then, a final thought. In our room I had, wrapped, my gift for our god-daughter and niece Lauren. I had the same gift under the tree for Meagan and for Susan: a cozy pair of "pink-ribbon" ankle socks and a silver bracelet from the Breast Cancer site. We wouldn't see Lauren until New Years - plenty of time to find another gift for her that would be  just as meaningful. The socks and bracelet would be Michelle's. And easy and right-feeling decision.

I'm sure Michelle didn't expect anything from us, but you can't have people as guests on Christmas without giving gifts! It's what the season is about, for heaven's sake. And so Susan went to pick up her brother and his girl and our morning began. I don't know what she really thought about us, or our gifts, or the traditions of loud, slow gift opening, lots of attention to dog gifts and cat gifts, plus long exclaiming over everything. But she seemed pleased - genuinely surprised, too - at being included. Michelle is anything but shy, and she joined in and fit into the morning chaos like she was one of us.

Breakfast was a joyous sort of tragedy - for the first time ever, the egg casserole didn't set up in the hour allotted it in the oven, so we drank juice and coffee and ate crockpot cheesy potatoes, banana bread and clementines while we waited for the casserole to finish up in the microwave. Any other Christmas morning this would have sent me into a pouting quiet, but this year I just said, "oh well," and we laughed and chatted while we waited - and ate the eggs, ugly now, but still tasty, when they were cooked through.

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So let me finish this up.

Since the kids were born, we've always spent Christmas afternoon and evening in Muskegon - afternoon at the VanderVeldes and evening at the McBrides. In the early years we spent the night - Meagan and Susan at my folks and Drew, Clay and I at Clay's. In the past couple of years, we "adults" have had things to get back to Grand Rapids for, so we haven't stayed over. Meagan and Susan however, continued their tradition of spending the quiet calm hours of Christmas night with my folks.

Of course this year had to be different. Mom was staying with us, and Michelle was with Drew. Clay's folks, early on in the season, had made it very clear that they expected Mom to come with us to their house on Christmas day. Bless those special, loving people. Especially after we called Christmas morning and told them Michelle would be coming with us too!

Christmas day at the VanderVeldes is always special. Her house is always carefully and exquisitely decorated for Christmas. A beautiful, perfect, white-lighted tree with a satiny skirt. Lighted villages on the bay window sill, Hummels and Santas everywhere, greenery on the mantle, the tiny foil pond with skaters on the low table near the sofa that have been there every Christmas that I can remember. Not garish or overdone, but tasteful, joyful, quiet, lovely. My mom was welcomed with love, gentleness and kindness of old friends - who know and understand the losses people their age experience.

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Obviously I didn't start out to recount details of this special Christmas with this post. I just needed to write! But now, more than six weeks later, here you have it. I haven't really captured the the sad sweet joyful melancholy of it all. New relationships, loss, enduring love - So much of what Christmas, and life are about.

Happy Thanksgiving

Read this bit today from Karen Kisslinger on Huffington Post, "Redefining Fun for the Holidays." I'm always of two minds when I read articles like this - and there seem to be so many: "10 ways to ..." "How to know when ...." What it means when you ..." and on and on. One part of me says "load of crap; you are a little more discerning than to swallow such stuff," while the other part says, 'ya know, there's definitely something to that ..." 

Anyhow, this was one of those list articles from the accupuncturist Kisslinger, written for helping "others,   as people face a time of year that isn't always as fun and uplifting  as its 'supposed'  to be." Of the helpful maxims for fun redefinition listed, one in particular struck me:

Fun is being  fully present without distraction with the  person or people you are actually with at the moment.

This, as I sit in my sister Margie's  living room blogging on my laptop. She is sitting across the room, also fully engaged in something on her laptop. My nephew Ry is sprawled over a chair, headphones on and totally plugged into his PSP, while Clay is sitting reading the sports news on his cell phone. My niece Lauren is watching MTV in this room, and my brother-in-law  Matt is watching the Weather Channel in the kitchen. And Susan? Still asleep in the basement.

I hope you're all having as much fun on your long Thanksgiving weekend as we are!  :-)

Susan in Sydney

She posted a few photos on her facebook page. I pulled 'em and made the slideshow. Notice the brunette (again).  If you don't have broadband (Mom), click this link to just view the photos.

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.