Things I've Seen

I need to blog

Can I get away with just posting a winter-scene photo again? Dave likes my photos, anyhow.

2-8-08. Finally finished this.

1-15-08 Hey, this isn't finished ... but I need to post it anyhow. Begun on 1-9.

Hard to believe this was just a week ago, even though this was in Kalamazoo, where I'm guessing close to a foot of snow fell while we were there over New Year's. Temperatures rose to 65 degrees here on Monday and the snow is completely gone.

The Holidays passed better than usual for me. Odd, too, because it was the first Christmas without Dad ... Mom stayed with us from Dec. 21 until after the New Year, although she did make the trip - Grandy in tow - to Monroe for a couple of days at the end of the week.

I think what made it better in some ways was that I had to rise to the occasion and try to be a better Christmas person - something I've not been so good at for several years now.

First of all, we had to figure out some way to get most of the family together for the holiday. Thanksgiving, in many minds, had not been ideal. Each sister (there are four of us) pretty much did her own thing: Nance had Mom over for dinner; we went to Monroe to see Margie and Mat and family (first time in all the years they've lived there!) and Loraine and family celebrated at home and in Muskegon with Jeff's family. My in-laws gathered with Clay's mom's family. In years past ALL these people have gathered together - close to 30 people in some years - and this, the first Thanksgiving after my Dad's passing, was not considered an ideal situation in most peoples' minds, although at the time we were planning things, this did not occur to most of us - or to me, anyway.

After nearly a month of mostly unsuccessful planning using a Google Group, it was decreed (by me, because I set up the group, which left me also guiding what little planning/conversation there was) that the clan would gather at our house for Christmas on the Saturday prior. So Mom arrived on the 21st to stay through the holidays, Meagan was released from school on the same day and came home with suitcases full of laundry, and we planned an as informal, inexpensive get-together as we could.

I just asked people to bring their favorite Christmas 'treat,' whether an hors d'ouevre, candy, cookie, or what have you. And everyone had to bring a $5 'fun gift' for a person of their same sex. We hosted about 20 people and had plenty to nosh on. Of course the highlight was the gift to Mom from Loraine and family of that darn cute little dog. And I think everyone thought the gift exchange - new for us - was fun. So even though Joe and Erin arrived very late (she had to work; they got lost) and Drew's girlfriend had to leave early (she got the showiest gift - a photo frame from Susan) and Margie and Mat weren't there (but they usually aren't), this felt like an adequate solution to the "what do we do for family Christmas now?) dilemma.

Then came Christmas eve - Mom hasn't been to church in years on that night, and last year, we didn't go either. But Meagan and I both wanted to sing in the reunion choir, where the college kids always come back to sing with the remnant adult choir.  We always sing "And the Glory of Lord" and "Halleluiah" from Handel's Messiah, and since I've been almost two years out of choir now, I really wanted to sing. So Clay, Mom, Susan and Amberly went to the service, while Meagan and I sat in the loft and sang. After the service we drove home looking at all the holiday lights, as has been a tradition since my own childhood and one we've carried out with our own family. It was pretty much all that Christmas eve is supposed to be.

Christmas Day was a little strange, but it was also best of all. I had asked Drew more than a week before how he wanted to handle the morning. This is his second Christmas living on his own, and last year I picked him up at his place early and brought him here for our usual gift opening and big, special breakfast of egg casserole and cheesy potatoes (his favorite). This year he an Michelle are together and I wanted him to be sure about his Christmas morning plans. Would she come over with him? Would she go to her own family? Would she stay at their place by herself? He told me he'd come over by himself. We said, OK.

Christmas morning when I called him, he said, "There's been a change of plans. I'm bringing Michelle with  me." All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind at once: first - how would the girls feel about an "intrusion" on their family Christmas morning? What would Mom think? Then, the really big consideration - in all the Christmas preparations, I had not once thought to buy a gift for Michelle (this is a brand new relationship). So shame on me. I paused only a few seconds and bought some time with, "will she feel comfortable?" trying to appeal his sense of the potential awkwardness of the situation (mostly with his sisters,  but I couldn't bring myself to say that). By not expressing this directly enough, I got nowhere, of course. "She won't feel weird," he insisted (Michelle is VERY outgoing). "I can't leave her here alone," he said. And of course he was right.

So I broke the news to the girls, who, as I'd guessed were not very amenable to having this relative stranger here in the midst  of our family traditions. "It's what Christmas is about," I reminded them and now I was sure of it myself. Michelle would be here with Drew and she'd be welcome, by god.

Then the mad scramble began. What to give her?  Clay suggested my last bottle of wine. Great idea! I knew Michelle liked it, because we served it at dinner when she was here after Thanksgiving and she raved over it. I rummaged through the gift wrap trappings in the basement and came up with a wine bag and tag: "To Michelle." Inspired, I thought, "What else?" "She's got to have a stocking. Give her mine," Mom offered, getting into the spirit.

So, wine, check. Stocking with candy cane and chocolate (most notably a big bar of noir 60% cacao - yum!). I was getting into this! What else can we give?

Then, a final thought. In our room I had, wrapped, my gift for our god-daughter and niece Lauren. I had the same gift under the tree for Meagan and for Susan: a cozy pair of "pink-ribbon" ankle socks and a silver bracelet from the Breast Cancer site. We wouldn't see Lauren until New Years - plenty of time to find another gift for her that would be  just as meaningful. The socks and bracelet would be Michelle's. And easy and right-feeling decision.

I'm sure Michelle didn't expect anything from us, but you can't have people as guests on Christmas without giving gifts! It's what the season is about, for heaven's sake. And so Susan went to pick up her brother and his girl and our morning began. I don't know what she really thought about us, or our gifts, or the traditions of loud, slow gift opening, lots of attention to dog gifts and cat gifts, plus long exclaiming over everything. But she seemed pleased - genuinely surprised, too - at being included. Michelle is anything but shy, and she joined in and fit into the morning chaos like she was one of us.

Breakfast was a joyous sort of tragedy - for the first time ever, the egg casserole didn't set up in the hour allotted it in the oven, so we drank juice and coffee and ate crockpot cheesy potatoes, banana bread and clementines while we waited for the casserole to finish up in the microwave. Any other Christmas morning this would have sent me into a pouting quiet, but this year I just said, "oh well," and we laughed and chatted while we waited - and ate the eggs, ugly now, but still tasty, when they were cooked through.

---

So let me finish this up.

Since the kids were born, we've always spent Christmas afternoon and evening in Muskegon - afternoon at the VanderVeldes and evening at the McBrides. In the early years we spent the night - Meagan and Susan at my folks and Drew, Clay and I at Clay's. In the past couple of years, we "adults" have had things to get back to Grand Rapids for, so we haven't stayed over. Meagan and Susan however, continued their tradition of spending the quiet calm hours of Christmas night with my folks.

Of course this year had to be different. Mom was staying with us, and Michelle was with Drew. Clay's folks, early on in the season, had made it very clear that they expected Mom to come with us to their house on Christmas day. Bless those special, loving people. Especially after we called Christmas morning and told them Michelle would be coming with us too!

Christmas day at the VanderVeldes is always special. Her house is always carefully and exquisitely decorated for Christmas. A beautiful, perfect, white-lighted tree with a satiny skirt. Lighted villages on the bay window sill, Hummels and Santas everywhere, greenery on the mantle, the tiny foil pond with skaters on the low table near the sofa that have been there every Christmas that I can remember. Not garish or overdone, but tasteful, joyful, quiet, lovely. My mom was welcomed with love, gentleness and kindness of old friends - who know and understand the losses people their age experience.

---

Obviously I didn't start out to recount details of this special Christmas with this post. I just needed to write! But now, more than six weeks later, here you have it. I haven't really captured the the sad sweet joyful melancholy of it all. New relationships, loss, enduring love - So much of what Christmas, and life are about.

Update: A writer's life

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I now have a full-time job.

This probably surprises many of you, and it surprised me no less, believe me. My last update in July was so very glowing about the promise of freelancing, and  how I felt I was making headway into a pretty permanent way of making a living. I recounted a revelation I'd had about how if you're good, people will keep hiring you, word will spread and you'll get work forever and ever, amen.

Or something like that.

But then the totally unexpected happened.

In late July (not long after I wrote that last update on a writer's life, in fact), I received an email from a client of mine at a local university where I was just wrapping up a big project. He said he'd received the latest copy I'd sent in and it looked good. Then he asked me:

"Are you looking for a job, or are you going to freelance?"

I was intrigued. So I wrote back and told him that while I'd been doing very well freelancing, I'd certainly take a look at a job if the right one came along.

Now I should mention that this client had been a coworker of mine at my last job. We're both writers and we know each other  fairly well, in fact, it was that relationship that had got me the job I was working on for him. The writing was almost exactly the type I'd done when we worked together, he knew my style was what he was looking for, and he knew I could deliver, so he hired me on a contract basis.

And now, as I found in subsequent emails and phone conversations, he wanted to know if I was interested in being hired permanently.

An easy decision
In spite of everything I've written here about enjoying the freelance life, the decision to pursue permanent employment was not a difficult one. My first thought was hey, if you've been "out of work" for 10 months and suddenly a job offer drops out of the sky when you haven't even been looking (especially in Michigan's tight job market), well, that's a sign you shouldn't ignore.

Also very high on my list of considerations was the fact that after my health insurance expired, our family's coverage had become 1) less comprehensive and 2) waaay more expensive since we'd had to take on the coverage offered by Clay's employer. Another fact I had to face was that while I'd been very busy over the summer, all of my jobs were wrapping up at the same time and prospects for the future seemed to be dimming a bit. I was looking at finally having to do some self promotion, I think, and possibly facing some time with a little less cash flow.

Finally, one benefit this job offered was "tuition remission" for myself, spouse and dependents. With Meg and Suze both looking to start college next fall, I'd have been a fool not to take this opportunity seriously

So I set the ball rolling. And on September 11, after two interviews and a little salary negotiation, I started at  Davenport University as communications manager.

... more later

Amazing Michigan? Not so fast

This is cross-posted from  Coit Avenue.

Fellow MI bloggers, I assume you all got this email too:

Hi, Kathleen. I'm writing from Hass MS&L Public Relations in Ann Arbor. We're trying to let people know about a new blog that launched today: Michigan is Amazing (michiganisamazing.com).

The purpose of Michigan is Amazing is to bring to everyone's attention all the great things about our state. While a creative agency will be supplying the content for the blog initially, it's the site's users that will become the content providers * and, through a ratings system, judge which stories are the best. The blog's categories are People, Places, Things, Events and Organizations. Users can use the blog to let everyone know about the things they think are special about Michigan using text, images or video.

All users who submit valid entries will receive a small gift, and all those who have posts published on the blog will win a free t-shirt. The best entry of each month will win the blogger an amazing Michigan-themed gift basket loaded with a variety of prizes.

We're trying to get the word out and we hope you'll let your readers know. Just for spreading the word we'd like to send you a small gift.

Thanks for your time. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Sincerely, Melanie Seasons

Word of mouth marketing, baby
So what's this all about? A google search on Hass MS&L turns up this from the Center for Media and Democracy's SourceWatch: "David Binkowski from Hass MS&L is scheduled to appear on a panel "How to Create Great Corporate Blogs That Get People Talking" at the Word of Mouth Marketing Association conference in Orlando, Florida, January 20, 2006"

Ah, so that's it -- a Great Corporate Blog that'll get us Michiganders talking. But when I checked out the new blog for a sign of a corporate presence, I found nothing, other than a "sponsored link" from Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan. And indeed, when I clicked on "Send Us Your Amazing Finds," then "click here to read the rules," I read this:

Contest Eligibility:  Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan does not determine the submissions posted to “Michigan is Amazing” or the winner of the monthly contest ...

The agency MS&L, which acquired Hass in 2002, has a lengthy list of health care clients (although I don't see BCBSM on the list right now). Looking at the news area of their site, their expertise seems to be in positioning Big Pharma in the face of all its litigation and regulatory issues.

Digging further, I found that David Binkowski heads up Hass MS&L Blogworks and is a member of the Word of Mouth Marketing Association, where his page explains:

...  Hass MS&L has successfully worked with global clients to launch corporate blogs and to deal with the issues they raise. And our marketing outreach practice connects influential consumers with new products and helps spread awareness through these new media.

A notable success for Blogworks is the much-praised FastLane Blog from GM chief Bob Lutz.

So what's the problem?
What's wrong with all of this? I work in marketing communications. I understand that you can hardly get a better product endorsement than one that's person-to-person, or word of mouth. And I'm a blogger -- don't I believe in the power of blogs to spread the word, rally people for causes, inform us on issues, etc., etc., etc.?  Of course. Still, here's what grinds me about this pitch:

• I'm asked to "spread the word" about a new blog that appears to have no real reason for being, no author, no sponsor, no voice -- and therefore not much reason to engage.  (Content's kinda lame, too, but there is potential there, if people participate. It's about Michigan, afterall!)

• Prizes for blogging? Even a gift to me for "spreading the word?" Please!

• The initial complete and utter lack of transparency on the part of Melanie Seasons as to who is sponsoring the blog.

• The initial complete and utter lack of transparency on the blog itself as to who is behind it.

Conversation goes two ways
Yeah, I know word of mouth marketing is the thing these days. But if markets are conversations as we read in Cluetrain, this one-way deal isn't the way to go about it.  And it's certainly not what blogging is about. There needs to be an exchange going on here -- honest, open, no holds barred. And prizes and gifts don't count.

A word to BCBSM -- if you want to engage bloggers in a folksy, feel-good conversation about how great Michigan is, we'd be more than happy to talk, even spread the word. But take the mask off first. Be up front with us. If you don't, the words we spread likely won't be the ones you had in mind.

******************
SourceWatch had more on Hass MS&L: See the subhead Driving Bloggers Pro-War Coverage

 

Office space

After a suitable period of letting go (a week, OK?), I moved into the room formerly occupied by Drew. It badly needs painting. But first we have to figure out how to patch six (count 'em) holes in the walls, at least one of them the size and shape of a fist. The carpet's in pretty good shape, but I need a new window blind. Because it's stuffy even with the AC on, Clay bought me a nice fan. (With a remote control, you ever hear of such a thing?). And I need to take down the sturdy black shelf that's too high on the wall to be of any use -- it's left over from when there was a loft bed in here.

To celebrate finally having my very own space, I got a mission-style computer desk from Target, which -- ta-da! -- I hauled home and completely put together by myself on Saturday when the rest of the family was at the Warped Tour at  Comerica Park. Task chair, lamp, letter holder and storage baskets completed my home-office outfitting for now. I still plan to buy the window shade as mentioned and a two-shelf bookcase for my files and etc. So-called decorative touches will follow that.

Oh, and I also took over the closet, and it's a good thing I acted while the girls were out of town, because apparently Meg, who's in the room next to this one, had her eye on it. She was a little bummed to come home and find that I'd transferred the entire contents of my side of the closet in our room to the one in this room. Including guitar, clarinet, all shoes and storage boxes. Soon the futon from the basement will be moved into here (sorry, JDog). And there I'll have it -- something I haven't had since I was 21 and living by myself in a huge 2-bedroom apartment in Hillsdale -- a room of my own. I don't think I appreciated it then. But now it's like a little piece of heaven in my own house.

Oh, I almost forgot. It's an office.

Update: A writer's life

I have to say it's going better than I'd imagined. I am busy. Since my last update in February I've added four clients to my list, bringing the total invoiced to nine. Most of those are one-time or occasional; the core of my work so far has come from two or three of them. My ideal would be to have four "regulars" and one that's something of a pet project -- done more for the fun and satisfaction of helping further a cause or ideal. But it takes time to build these relationships and I'm still in the process of discovering what I can do, what's out there, who's out there.

One reason I was always hesitant about freelancing (apart from being fearful of getting out there and "selling" myself ): I had worked my way into a position of editor, where I kept the occasional plumb project for myself and farmed out the so-called "grunt writing" to freelancers who (I imagined) pretty much had to take whatever they could get. I figured I never wanted to be "just a writer" having no say in the overall direction of projects and no input as to their scope, churning out whatever a client wanted whether it made sense or not, having no control over deadlines or changes. I didn't want to be stuck writing endlessly boring or meaningless marketing fluff for things I couldn't care less about, just because I needed a paycheck.

Now that I'm working from the other side of the desk, I've found there's a dimension to freelancing that I hadn't realized. Sure, the above description is correct in some cases. But it's also often the case for a writer or editor in a corporate communications setting. The difference I have found is this: As a freelancer, I get work because people know (or they've heard) that I deliver good, solid writing that's thoroughly researched, on target for the audience, (relatively) error-free and on time. I present well in meetings when necessary and my skills are varied enough to cover anything they need in print or on the web.

The difference between thinking,"I'm doing this work because nobody else wants to," and "I'm doing this work because I'm good at what I do," is huge. And it's been immensely freeing to finally understand it. I perform, I get paid, I get hired again. That's a writer's life.

Update: the writer's life

If you're a regular here you know that back in early November I was jettisoned -- green and intrepid -- into the world of freelance writing. Thought you might like an update of what's been happening.

I spent November and December "finding myself," that is, looking for the right words to put on a resume and in cover letters to potential clients. I contacted virtually everyone in my network (which by the way was much bigger than I'd thought), and was surprised and gratified at the support I've received from friends, former bosses and one-time coworkers in this business. Got a few leads. No work, but hey, it was the holidays.

January heated up right away, and I billed a nice chunk of hours to a couple of clients. February started out slow, but I've done a handful of jobs for one client and picked up some proofreading for another's new website. I'm now in the process of writing a proposal for a fairly large user testing project for another new client. And I'm spending two days this week in a new employee orientation for yet another, where I've been hired to do writing on a project basis.

To date, I have five (5!) clients, with a couple of pretty big projects simmering for two of them (three if you count the one that's been on hold for-ev-er). Oh, and I can't forget my one "labor of love," for which I've written three installments and plan to continue as long as I'm wanted/needed.

Guess I'm doing OK, since I've really only been at this for eight weeks or so. And other good things have come from this new life situation, too, like:

• I've had leisurely lunches with a string of people  -- some  of whom I haven't seen in ages.
• At a lunch with a few of my recent former teammates I heard, "You look so good! So rested! So healthy!"
• I was able to sing at  the midafternoon funeral of a pastor from our church.
• Midday naps!
• I was reintroduced to the cult of Mac by a friend who donated to my cause a (slightly used) PowerBook G4, which I absolutely love.
• I have time to listen to all the podcasts I want to.
• I get to wear comfy clothes (almost) all the time.
• I am able to run up to either high school at any time to drop off forgotten books, lunch money, reports ... argh!
• I can spend more time than EVER reading and researching on the web.
• Did I mention naps?

Another podcast pick

I love being read to. So I loved finding the podcast Writer's Block (link is to one episode/story), where writers read from their own work. It's from KQED radio in San Francisco. Good stuff.

Writer's Block is a category in KQED's scene and unseen blog, which is devoted to "recording and reviewing art in Northern California." The podcast is available on the site, although I don't particularly recommend going there, since I found it slow and difficult to search. I'm subscribed through iTunes.

New blog in town

Keash is a local freelance writer and a friend of mine who finally, after talking about it for months, has started a blog. Her intent is to talk about freelancing from a practical, experiential point of view.

"I get asked all the time how I got started writing," she told me. "So I wanted to get that out there for people to read," along with some real-life stories about the not-so-glamorous life of a freelancer. (Remind me again about why I want to do this freelance thing?) The blog is called writer's blog, and she's got two posts so far. Check it out.

I'm home

I'm standing in the doorway of the garage, drinking my last cup of coffee for the morning and watching the snow drift slowly down through the trees. Snow's a little early this year and so is the numbing cold. For nearly a week now temps have stayed below 20 degrees. In fact, yesterday the thermometer hovered stubbornly at 14 degrees almost all day. Too cold to walk the dog (so I tell her when she approaches me hopefully). Too cold to walk myself. Almost too cold to sit in the basement at the computer, although with an extra sweatshirt plus my down throw over my knees, I can sit here almost comfortably, thinking, writing, composing inquiry letters, refining my "strategy" for finding work.

It's been a month now since I left corporate life. I've spent much of that time polishing my resume and getting in touch with old friends and former colleagues. "I've decided to do what you all have been doing so well for years," I told some of them. " ...  you can add another hungry writer to that local and talented freelance pool ... " Several of them have graciously come through with solid leads -- even offers to take work off their own plates -- which I have confidence will lead to work and eventually more work. Three of the best writers I know tell me they have more work than they can handle and that there's plenty out there for all. "You're good," they tell me. "You won't have any trouble." And the most comforting, from a former boss who's been on the freelance circuit now for 11 years: "Once you get your feet wet, I have every confidence you'll be fine."

In the meantime, daughter Suze has made the family Christmas her pet project and I must say she has it pretty well under control. I took delivery on a cord of hardwood Monday, so we can look forward to warm, cozy evenings in front of the fireplace. I've begun actually cooking again (such as I am able), even planning ahead once in awhile and starting dinner early in the day (although this is hard to get used to and I'm not quite regular about it yet). The family was startled to be served a meatloaf one day last week and I've made cookies twice now, and even though they were the frozen, preshaped dough sort, I feel that some honest-to-god, from scratch, rolled-out-dough- cookie-cutter sugar cookies are in our very near future. Several holiday concerts are coming up that daughters and I will be participating in, and for once, I'll be able to enjoy the glory of the music without feeling pressured or unduly rushed.

I feel more relaxed, less stressed than I have in a long time. I know the money's going to get tight here pretty soon, but we'll figure out ways to cope. I'm not sure what's ahead  -- in so many areas of my life -- but I'm meeting the challenges as they come, and I know things will be OK. For right now, I'm enjoying getting reacquainted with old friends, being with family, rediscovering a modicum of domesticity, just thinking and being. I'm enjoying being home.

 

Recovering. Slowly.

Movin' on to something different ...

Ok, I see that some regular readers of my other (former) blog have been here, looking, checking this thing out. I bid you welcome, but be aware: This isn't that blog; it has never been anything like that blog; it never will be that blog.

No, it hasn't been updated much, as those of you who have visited more than once already have seen. For the past 6 months or so, I've poured all my energy into that other blog, and this one has suffered.

And now that the object of my most intense effort is gone from the web, I need some time to recover. Some time to think about what's next.

You see, even though Things I've Seen came first (the present version moved over from an earlier effort), I feel like I really cut my blogging teeth on the blog that I quit. It's where I really became aware of what was going on in the world of blogs and the internet; where I began to see that I could make even the slightest difference in people's opinions.  I had loyal readers (even though most didn't comment) . I was asking people  to think; beginning small dialogues; contributing in my own small way to the conversation that is the internet.

So why did I quit? The blog had become too much effort for too little return. Its timing was not right. It felt less and less worthwhile to pour my heart and soul into something for which I was the sole cheerleader and enthusiast among my peers.  I guess you could say I had a crisis of confidence; a failure of heart.

Whatever the reason, I've bounced back here, to my beginnings. With a big hole in my sensibility, as well as in my schedule, that was filled up by producing the other blog. I can't go back. But neither can this blog ever be the same. I've come too far for that.

And so it's going to take some time for the blog to figure out what it wants to be. Please be patient while I work through it. Feel free to offer comments and suggestions. But keep coming back. I promise I'll be better at updating. Just don't expect the moon. Not right away, anyhow.   ;-)